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          您所在的位置: > 劇本合作 > 其它劇本 >

          雙簧《酒鬼過新年》

          2014-05-04 22:33 來源:未知
          甲、  乙:朋友們,大家好!
          乙:今天我們給大家表演一個自編自演的雙簧,這個雙簧啊,就是一個人在前面演,一個人在后面念。。。。。
          甲唱:“股票不是你想賣,想賣就能賣”。
          乙(怒視甲,稍停,繼續介紹)這個雙簧啊。。。
          甲:“出賣你的愛 我背了股票債,就算付出再多時間也再買不回來,雖然當初是你要我買, 后來才明白。現在我用我的鈔票希望讓你漲回來。”
          乙:停,今天我們在這里拜年,你怎么唱這首歌啊,什么買不買,賣不賣的。像話嗎?
          甲:(愁容滿面地):你是不知道啊,我買的股票最近又跌了,慘哦。
          乙:我問你,你買的是什么股票。
          甲:別提了,我買的是號稱金槍不倒股票酒鬼酒,沒想到出鬼了,跌得我眼睛都綠了,真是躺著也中槍啊!
          乙:嗨,這種股票也敢買啊?那酒鬼酒查出有塑化劑啊。
          甲:有塑化劑?誰說的?這是造謠,這是給咱湖南酒鬼臉上抹黑,我喝了大半輩子酒怎么也沒喝出塑化劑。
          乙:這塑化劑也能喝出來嗎?那是人家用科學儀器測出來的。
          甲:我沒事,我酒量大,能喝,昨天晚上我在家里喝了二斤酒鬼酒都沒事。
          乙:二斤啊?不會吧,要不你把昨天晚上是怎么喝的給大家表演一下?
          甲:好,那我得下去化個裝,準備一下。
          (乙獨白:介紹甲,豪爽,酒量大,號稱肖不倒。。。你準備好了嗎?。。。有人說得好,喝一輩子酒,出一輩子丑,這不他今天又喝多了。甲扮小丑,唱江南STYIE,跳騎馬午上,乙嚇一跳)
          乙:怎么啦,酒又喝多了,跑到這里來耍酒瘋啊?
          甲:喝得不多,要過年了,聽說你們春節聯歡有酒喝,我連忙趕過來了。
          乙:那我們開始表演吧?
          甲:好,開始!
          (甲坐在前面表演,乙在椅子后念臺詞。)
          我叫樹不倒,酒品就是好,不是我自夸,誰敢比一下。湖南酒鬼酒,味道真不差。什么?沒的人陪?我來跟寬哥打個電話。
          甲:(打手機)
          乙:喂!寬哥,寬哥呀,你能不能來陪我/喝酒啊?安?你們在搞文明創建,忙的很那?那就算了,我對斗鏡子喝!
          甲:(放下手機)
          乙:我先把鏡子擦干凈。哈,哈。
          甲:(哈氣,擦鏡子)
          乙:感情淺,添一添,感情深,一口悶!感情有,喝白酒,感情好,尬碗搞!
          甲:(出現醉態)
          乙:喝了一杯又一杯,喝了一碗又一碗。呃,這舌頭怎……怎么就不聽話了呢?地球真……真的在轉咧!天……天上還……還有星星咧!哎喲,要……要解手了!
          甲:(夾尿狀,起身走)
          乙:一斤酒,扶墻走,搖搖晃晃到廁所,聽見有人在撒尿,我還以為在倒酒,“還。。還倒啊,不。。不喝了,不喝了。”突然有人放了個屁,“卟”,這下我可來了氣,“怎么又開啤酒了?哪個開哪個喝啊。”我拉開廁所門,“唉,這門還蠻高級的啊,里面還有感應燈咧。”哎呀呀,好舒服喲,手一解,人都輕松了一大截了也。
          甲:(回原坐)
          乙:只聽老婆一聲吼:“你這砍腦殼的,怎么往冰箱里撒尿啊?”
          甲:(拉出乙)你才往冰箱里撒尿呢!這不有損我的形象嗎?
          乙:哦,不好意思,那我們來個文雅的。
             (甲繼續表演,乙繼續在椅子后念臺詞)
             過新年真不錯,朋友請我把酒喝,我一喝喝了一斤多,頭重腳輕真快活,哎喲喲,好象喝多了呢,我歪歪扭扭朝前走,轉眼來到家門口,“誒,這是不是我的家咧?我怎么就分不清東南西北了咧?”我很有禮貌敲敲門,嘿嘿,開門的是個大美人。“大姐,請問我家是不是住在這里啊?”那大姐一把揪住我的耳朵就往床上扔,我說“大姐,別。。。別別這樣,我是有。。。有老婆的人。”那大姐一聽生了氣,“我看你又喝多了吧,連老婆都不認識了,我就是你老婆。”
             “哎呀呀,原來是老婆呀,我說怎么這么眼熟咧?老婆,親…..親一個。波~“  
              我一頭鉆進熱被窩,鼾聲如雷好快活,“呼~~呼~~呼~~~”,突然聽見老婆罵:“你這死鬼,扯了一晚上的呼,還叫人睡覺不啦?”我醒來一看手表,都半夜一點鐘了,我急忙起來穿衣服,我老婆說:“你神經病啊,半夜起來穿衣服做么子啦?”我說“親愛的,太晚了,我得趕緊回家了,我老婆要是知道了就不得了了哦。”
            (甲站起,擰起褲子往臺下跑。)
          乙:回來!你回家之前先要給大家拜個年啊。
          甲:祝大家新年快樂!
          甲乙:萬事如意!干杯!
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