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          您所在的位置: > 劇本合作 > 其它劇本 >

          雙簧《都是網絡惹的禍》

          2014-05-04 22:34 來源:未知
           開場白:首先一上臺呀,我給在做各位觀眾朋友們,老師,同學們送上一份最真摯的祝福,我祝大伙兒在新的一年里,一帆風順,雙喜臨門,三羊開泰,四季平安,五福玲瓏,六六大順,七星高照,八面來財,九九歸一那是十全十美,百事可樂,千事順心,萬事如意,在做的各位觀眾朋友們,給不給掌聲大伙隨意。
            那么接下來我們給大家帶來的是,我們最新的創作的一個原創雙簧,雙簧的名字叫做《都是網絡惹的禍》,在做各位,喜歡我這個節目嗎?喜歡的話!大伙給鼓勵,鼓勵呀!
            待會兒呀表演雙簧的時候,是我在后邊說,我搭檔在前邊演,哎!從遠處一看,跟一個人似的,這就需要兩人配合的十分默契。啊?你問我搭檔在哪呢,嗨!他現在正在后臺化裝呢,各位,中國不是有一句俗語說的好嗎,人陪衣服馬配鞍,人不到叱不漂亮,這人一到叱以后,您在看看我這位搭檔長得跟仙女似的,哎喲!您不信呀!不信您自個兒瞧呀!他來了,大伙看看!喲!怎么長得跟只猴似的的!好!接下來請欣賞我們的原創雙簧《都是網絡惹的禍》!
            什么是“網絡”,網絡,網絡,一上網就要墮落!我就不信,我是明知山有虎,偏向虎山行;胸中有紅日,腳下舞東風;敢與恐龍爭高下,不向人妖讓寸分;悲憤化作回天力,打龍自有后來人。
            廢話!如今虛擬的世界就是好,恐龍都能變成寶,何況數量也不少,漂亮的MM我是費勁心思找也找不到!我的網絡情人到底在哪里呀?在哪里,在哪里?我是縱里尋找千百度,夢中情人就在互聯網處。讓我先看看找誰聊呢?哎呀!這些人怎么起這樣的網名呀!“我是張曼玉”,“誰是張國榮”,“賽西施”,最客氣的還數這位“我是梅艷芳轉世”啊呸!真是天有多大膽,網絡大生產!
            這個不錯,邀請她先視個頻先!我點!(做個動作)喲!這么快就有反映了,接受邀請。我先整理整理自己的著裝先,我得給別人留下個好印象!咦!怎么就看見一堵墻呢?我怎么看不見你呢?(做個打字的動作),啊!要先看看我長得怎么樣啊!什么?說我眼睛長得像黃日華;鼻子長的像劉德華;嘴巴有點像任達華;腦袋長的像董健華。我干脆我也不叫我了!我直接叫“四華”化建設吧!怎么老是你在問我呀!我也問問你!
            甲:你漂亮嗎?
            乙:漂亮!
            甲:你撫媚嗎?
            乙:撫媚!還有我的笑容很迷人!
            甲:有多迷人呀?
            乙:討厭了!看了你就知道了!包準讓你忘不了。
            甲:那你長的像誰呀?
            乙:像趙微呀!不信你看!
            我一看!哎呀!我是見了鬼了!就這五官都沒帶對齊的!這長像,那就是趙麗蓉和高秀敏的綜合呀!這也算漂亮?這也算撫媚?就她那個笑容,晚上睡覺做夢都會被嚇醒!怪不得要先看看我長得怎么樣呢!關鍵是怕自己出洋相!難到真的網絡無美女嗎?我不信,我是不到黃河心不死!再找一個試試看!喲!有主動和我套近乎的呀!
            乙:你寂寞嗎?
            甲:她怎么知道我寂寞呢?我寂寞呀!
            乙:你無聊嗎?
            甲:我很無聊!
            乙:你是不是想找人聊一聊天呀!
            甲:你是怎么知道的?
            乙:想知道廬山真面目,請視頻吧!
            我點!這就是天上掉下了寶,問天問地問到老,我看看,那位這么了解我的心。這不看還不要緊,這一看我就想去跳井。啊!問我為什么有這么大的反應呀!和我視頻的不是別人,她就是媽了!
            甲:你給我出來吧!
            乙:好就到這!
            甲乙:謝謝大家!
            (完)
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