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          您所在的位置: > 劇本合作 > 其它劇本 >

          雙簧《突擊檢查》

          2014-05-04 22:35 來源:未知
           甲:首先一上臺呀,我給在做各位觀眾朋友們,老師,同學們送上一份最真摯的祝福,我祝大伙兒在新的一年里,一帆風順,雙喜臨門,三羊開泰,四季平安,五福玲瓏,六六大順,七星高照,八面來財,九九歸一那是十全十美,百事可樂,千事順心,萬事如意,在做的各位觀眾朋友們,給不給掌聲大伙隨意。
            那么接下來我們給大家帶來的是,我們最新的創作的一個原創雙簧,原創雙簧的名字叫做《突擊檢查》,在做各位,喜歡我這個節目嗎?喜歡的話!大伙給鼓勵,鼓勵呀!
            待會兒呀表演雙簧的時候,是我在后邊說,我搭檔在前邊演,哎!從遠處一看,跟一個人似的,這就需要兩人配合的十分默契。啊?你問我搭檔在哪呢,嗨!他現在正在后臺化裝呢,各位,中國不是有一句俗語說的好嗎,人陪衣服馬配鞍,人不到叱不漂亮,這人一到叱以后,您在看看我這位搭檔長得跟仙女似的,哎喲!他來了,大伙看看!喲!怎么長得跟只猴似的的!好!接下來請欣賞原創雙簧《突擊檢查》!
            
            甲:臨檢不要緊,只要主義真,抓了我一個,還有后來人!啊!問我是干嘛的?我是地攤專門買毛巾。啊!賣什么牌子的毛巾,“老出血”牌毛巾,為什么叫“老出血”牌毛巾呢?顧名思義就是毛巾所到之處,老是流血。我這個牌子的毛巾比砂紙還要硬,工地的工人都要買我的毛巾去打墻,據說這比那砂紙要好用多了。難怪,在很早以前就有一首詩是專門歌頌我們賣毛巾,其中一句我還記得,那就是!“人生自古誰無紙,留取丹青賣毛巾”!
            乙:誒!毛巾好多錢一條!
            甲:這個就難說了,那就看你要買什么類型的毛巾了,軟硬程度不同價格也不同。
            乙:那還有什么區別嗎?
            甲:當然有區別了,軟的毛巾你可以用來洗臉,硬的毛巾你可以用來擦墻啊!
            乙:你這是賣毛巾呀!還是賣砂紙啊?
            甲:砂紙,砂紙都沒得我這個牌子的毛巾好用。我這個牌子的毛巾擦墻擦得亮,洗臉洗出血!
            乙:我估計你是搞裝修的吧!
            甲:怎么這么多廢話,你是來買毛巾的還是來查戶口的呀!
            乙:當然來買毛巾了,我要這一條!
            甲:哎呀!你這個客人還是滿有眼光的了,這條滿貴的!
            乙:好多錢?
            甲:一塊三。
            乙:一塊二,怎么樣?
            甲:就賣一塊三!
            乙:我說老板,你也不差這一毛錢吧?
            甲:那你也沒必要省這一毛錢吧!
            乙:能剩者剩呀!反正多一毛錢我不買了。
            甲:不要嚇唬我!少一毛錢我還不賣了呢!
            乙:你不賣是吧,我還不想買了!
            甲:你不買是吧,我還不想賣了!光顧和你討價還價了,城管突擊臨檢了!我要趕緊跑啊!我跑跑,我死勁的跑,你城管就是抓不到!
            乙:我追追,我死勁的追,追到就讓你化成灰!
            甲:我,我實在是跑不動了,你不要在追了!
            乙:你不跑我能追你嗎?
            甲:廢話!你不追我我能跑嗎!我快不行了,在我臨死之前,我還有一句話要說,毛巾零售價是一塊三,批發價是九毛,千萬別弄錯了啊!………我還有一句話要說,剛才追我那個人跑的實在太快了,叫他別去當城管了,改去參加奧運會吧!記住了嗎?那我就放心了!啊!……我還有一句話要說,叫我的老婆不要在等我了,叫她嫁給我的搭檔吧!啊!我搭檔是誰啊,就是說雙簧的那個葉敬林啊!啊!
            甲:你給我出來!
            乙:就到這!
            甲乙:謝謝大家!
            (完)
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