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          您所在的位置: > 劇本合作 > 相聲劇本 >

          《改鼻子》

          2014-05-04 22:03 來源:未知

            甲:老同學!

            乙:你認錯人了吧?

            甲:怎么剛畢業才一年,就裝不認識了?

            乙:你是誰呀?

            甲:慧妹。

            乙:哎喲哦,別開玩笑了,慧妹是我們校花,尤為那張上寬下窄的臉上長得那小巧高挑的鼻子,在藝術學院誰見誰夸。

            甲:慧妹還為那張上寬下窄的瓜籽形臉的中間長了一個秀鼻而引來不少男性的窮追猛求,都說慧妹的鼻子美得像一朵盛開的小菊花。

            乙:是啊,為此,我還加入過追美隊伍呢,不過人家慧妹沒看起我。

            甲:慧妹也為父母給了她一個美麗漂亮的鼻子而驕傲。因此,她就像愛護自己的生命一樣愛護著鼻子,每天花很大時間伺候保養它,感冒奇癢不敢去掐揉它,平時鼻孔干涕不去摳挖,生怕影響了鼻子那種原始自然的光輝形態。

            乙:哎,你到底是誰呀,了解得慧妹這么清楚。

            甲:你再仔細瞅瞅,我這慧妹是否冒牌?

            乙:我瞅了半天,倒是眼睛還有那么點意思。別處嗎,看不出一點有像的地方了?

            甲:我是千真萬確的原裝慧妹。

            乙:你怎么變成這付模樣啦?

            甲:哎,真是一言難盡呀。

            乙:你畢業后不是讓一個大歌舞團招去了嗎?

            甲:就為進歌舞團才改成這么一個鼻子呢。這不鼻子一改,臉上的其他部位也跟著受牽連而變形了唄。

            乙:你那么優秀的鼻子怎么舍得改。

            甲:那是剛進團考試時,在團里九位考官面前,都言我業務非常優秀。

            乙:這個我知道,你在校就是才貌雙優的優等生。

            甲:可是考官們說我形象不美。

            乙:哎喲哦,你這形象還不美,他們團這么說女人都是天仙,男人都是潘安了。

            甲:這是團里一個朋友告訴我的,考官們說我臉上大部分部件按插得到位好看,嘴唇厚厚的還是紅的很性感,眼睛圓圓的眼皮是雙的很有神,眉毛細細的還是彎的很可愛。就是臉中間明顯地方的鼻子太小太不起眼太沒氣質了。

            乙:他們這考官是什么眼神和標準?

            甲:他們說我丑就丑在鼻子上。故而,歌舞團準備不錄用我。

           

            乙: 這就怪了。為何在校最美的地方到了團里就成了最丑的部分了呢?

            甲:我聽團里朋友傳話給我后,我也很不理解。既然由美天鵝變成丑小鴨了,我就用不著再做秀了。我就讓朋友領我到歌舞團再游說努力爭取一番,看是否有死灰復燃的希望。

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