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          您所在的位置: > 劇本合作 > 小品劇本 >

          小品《轉變》

          2015-11-21 03:31 來源:創作演出網
          小品《轉變》
          編劇:宋士新,王鳳陽
                                  

          人物:王鳳陽(文化站長)
                     張   東 (屯迷糊)
          場景:一把長椅子。
          (張拿瓶啤酒上場)
          張:哎呀,喝點小酒就打蔫,
          光棍快樂一天天,
          國家大事咱不問,
          逍遙自在賽神仙。
          大家好:在下張東張四尿,本村坐地炮。雖說現在黨的政策好,惠農政策也不少,可是對于我來說,媳婦還是很難找。歸根結底幾句話:我好比一顆無人問津的亂草,每天陋室長椅臥倒,三十多歲不問江湖事,自飲自樂-唯我獨好。問我想啥?嘿嘿。。。(喝口啤酒躺臥椅上睡覺)
          王:(上場)新農村建設搞得靚,
          廣場建的真舒暢,
          社區服務有醫保,
          文體課程跟得上。
          如今人們生活水平好了,精神文明不能少了,縣委為了豐富咱老百姓的文化生活,舉行農民文藝大賽,作為新農村的文化站長,首當其沖,為我鎮選手起個“畫蛇添足”的帶頭作用,不對是“畫龍點睛”!!!
          這不為了能給文藝大賽推薦人才我想起個人,誰呀?張四尿,你別看這小子不著調,整天貫貓尿,那要是整點俏皮嗑那是一套一套,哼哼點二人轉流行歌更是沒得說,我這就去給他上堂政治課,勸他改掉懶惰喝酒的惡習,做點對社會有價值的事情。哎,到了,用手(敲門):張東在家嗎?
          張:(躺在椅子上打呼嚕,沒動靜)。
          王:(開門進屋,發現屋里很亂,沒下腳的地方王用手巴拉張)四尿子醒醒
          張:誰呀,睜開眼睛一看,(驚訝的從椅子上掉下來)結巴狀:潘-潘長江你咋上我家了呢?我在夢里夢的是高秀敏啊怎么變性變出個他呀!
          王:我說你喝多少酒啊?還沒醒啊!你看看我到底是誰?
          張:(用力瞪了瞪眼睛)哎呀!這不是畢老爺培養三十多年的半成品的文化站長嗎?咋整的跟老潘似的,咋地,要改行整模仿啊?
          王:我說你小子別屁了光幾的,你管我叫啥?
          張:呵呵。。。姐夫那陣風把你給吹來了呢!
          王:你還認識我啊!看我的行頭別誤會是潘長江,人家長江流入的海,我王鳳陽流入的是池塘。但是也沒多大區別,我也是水里地。。。
          別看我演節目不咋地,但在形象上也說得過去,“水貨嗎“!!!。。。
          張:呵呵,誒呀姐夫你真尿性,你光臨寒舍真使我的小窩蓬蓽生輝呀!
          王:你可拉倒吧,還寒舍呢?應該是寒蟬吧。你這“小窩”都不敢那狗窩,(用手摸物品)東西生灰倒是真的。
          張:嘿嘿,(有點不好意思了)姐夫你來我家有事啊?
          王:當然有事了。
          張:好事,壞事?好事你盡管說,壞事、、、、、、、
          王:壞事怎么地?
          張:壞事!你看姐夫來了肯定沒有壞事,是吧?
          王:哎,,,我說四尿子,你這一天游手好閑,整天干靠,好吃懶惰,你這一輩子是不是好日子不想過了?
          張:姐夫你看現在我不是挺好的嗎?
          王:好啥呀好,全鎮人民要都像你這樣生活,還不得餓死啊,要不是黨的政策好,給你分點口糧田,給你點糧補錢,你這條小命早就玩完。還挺會知足常樂呢?
          張:那咋整?對付活唄。
          王:還對付活,你得好好干,找到人生另一半,是不是這么多年來連個對象都沒看。
          張:也不是沒看過,曾經有個離婚帶著孩子的女人站在我面前,我沒有去珍惜,但是我真的努力過啊!
          王:人家為什么沒跟你啊!
          張:她問我嫌棄她有孩子嗎?我說不嫌棄,省得費事了。她聽了,給了我一個評價就走了。
          王:說啥了!
          張:她說“我太懶惰,不愛勞動,是個不勞而獲的人。”
          王:哈哈哈。。。那不是主要原因,依我看哪還是看你窮養活不了人家娘倆。
          張:那沒在一起生活,她咋就知道我養活不了她們呢?
          王:你看你這一天喝地迷迷瞪瞪地,日子過得窮還自認為自己行。你呀算是沒得救了!!!
          張:姐夫,你看我這不是沒啥手藝嘛?
          王:這不是理由,是借口,要想富出勞務,縣里頭搞勞務輸出,并且給找就業門路你咋不報名參加呢?
          張:我不想離開家鄉啊,我舍不得這方熱土啊!
          王:你可拉倒吧,行。就算你不想出勞務,你在家搞搞養殖不也行嗎?你看人家小于窯的李二楞原先不也和你同病相憐,自從人家搞起了養殖,日子過得紅火找到了價值,今年剛說的媳婦貌美如花大美人,還給他生了個大胖兒。
          張:誰,誰,就那個鼻涕拉下,雞荒拉仨,腦袋遲鈍,有點傻瓜的李二楞,他現在說上媳婦了,他咋還能養殖呢我不信?
          王:我說你一天在家,吃喝拉撒,哪也不去,井底之蛙,新農村建設現在搞得這么好,農家書屋進村成為農民致富的法寶,人家李二楞就是沒事老去農家書屋,看書看光碟,學習養豬、養鴨,養大鵝,大地高產腹膜。靠科學技術才走上致富的道路。
          張:哪我砸不知道呢?還有這好事
          王:你一天就是,三點成一線,賒酒小賣店,在家聽聽二人轉,發家致富的信息你是從來沒有這個觀念。
          張:我倒是聽過民樂村的徐書記說過,我以為他騙我呢?去年他來我這收修道款,我就對他很不滿。我這人你還不知道嗎,一般人的話我不信,就堅信自己的一個字信念?
          王:什么字?
          張;懶。。。
          王:那姐夫說話你總該信吧?
          張:那當然咱們不是親戚嘛。你剛才的一番話深深的刺進了我的心臟。
          王:什么玩應,心臟啊,一會我還把你說死了呢!
          張:是觸動了我的心靈,真的沒有家真的不行,喝了這么多年別人的喜酒,自己媳婦問題就是個零,沒媳婦的日子不好過:洗衣做飯不用說,晚上還-沒人暖被窩!俗話說的好:花草渴望雨露,心靈渴望歸宿,我呀迫切地渴望能有個媳婦。。。
          王:靠你勤勞致富的雙手,發奮圖強,媳婦肯定會有。
          張:姐夫我明白了我向你發誓:我再也不好吃懶惰了,我要超越李二楞,我明天就上村里書屋學習,你幫我整點貸款我也養殖。也要找回做人的價值。
          王:貸款可以,我說四尿子你可別耍嘴啊!
          張:簽協議啊,我要是耍嘴我是個棒槌。
          王:好,你剛才不是問我來你家找你有啥事嗎!
          張:對啊。好事壞事啊?
          王:我告訴你是件好事,這不如今咱們的農村越來越好了,農民的私家小車也在白色路面上跑了,物質生活過得好,精神文明也要搞,縣里要搞農民文藝大賽,把文藝人才找,我呀覺得你小子也不是沒有優點,文藝這方面你很擅長,就給你報名,讓你登上大雅之堂,展現才藝的同時,再把事業干的輝煌,不愁沒有新娘。
          張:姐夫,不行啊我的水平也不專業啊,再說了我也沒上過臺啊,肯定緊張我可不去。
          王:我說你小子,一道真章,你就發慌,農民文藝大賽,也不是要專業的啊,重在參與。再說了,我跟呂館長都說了你多優秀,他還說了要是看你行還給你介紹對象呢?
          張:真的啊?哎呀太棒了,為了能娶媳婦那我的去參加啊!
          王:不僅要參加還要整出精品,你要是演好了,你知道嗎縣文工團的女演員個個是美女,你要是發揮出色說不上那位姑娘給你拋來繡球呢。當然了前提是你得把日子過好。
          張:放心吧,姐夫,我肯定練好,我就來段二人轉的經典說口秀,行不?
          王:行,你好好選節目,明天上鎮里文化站進行排練,你沒看我這身行頭嗎我也和你們一起上前線。我先走了明天我在單位等你。(轉身要走)
          張:行,姐夫,那你一路走好。
          王:你說啥呢?
          張:是一路順風。姐夫,你都趕我親爹了,對我真好!
          王:胡說啥呀你。。。
          張:我說那個,你是我爹。
          王:啥?
          張:錯了,我是你爹啊!
          王:你還貧嘴,我揍你個臭小子。。。
          王追張下場。
          劇終
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